oh-no, oh-no, oh-no!

sadness and fear of being alone without my loved one has crept into my heart and the pit of my stomach, and i feel.. well, at a goddamn lost! it's the same feeling that i got a few years back, torturous, slow and painful sadness, and i am feeling somewhat drained out right now. the reality of things that may come to be is starting to sink in, my stomach churns every time i think of the prospects of being without him, and it makes me fear the coming months, and it makes me sad, thinking that this summer i could be without him. what i fear the most is the lost dependency, the simple things that have kept us going for this long, how i am going to miss his smell and his touch, and the easiness of welcoming that hug or that spank, that sparkle in his eyes when he tries to steal kisses and his big, huge warm embrace. how i will miss the buying of toothpaste so we can share it in the bathroom, the meals that we eat together, the nights where we would talk forever before actually falling asleep, ruffling his warm, chest and relishing in the sounds of his soft breathing, and waking up to that beautiful supernova-colored eyes and charming, dimpled smile ...

please don't go .. =(