all joy has been sucked out of me.. this is it fellas - this is the big change that i have been dreading and it's so close to knocking on my door, and all i want to do is run away.. run far far away into the oblivion, where it's peaceful and happy, everything stays the same way, always. where my comfort and familiar zone doesn't ever need to expand, or shrink, and where my joyfulness doesn't have to dim or be cast away into the long and lonely island of no man's land.

i feel like .. all the happiness in me was sucked out with a vacuum cleaner.

why can't i be looking forward to this change like he is? why can't i just, be ecstatic with the change? why must i feel this way? it's because i am being left behind. while life is going to improve for him, mine is going to stay the same way, MINUS him, so in essence, it's going to be worsen. i am sure i am being all melodramatic about this, and come time, i am sure i will be able to face the rhythm but right now, all i want to do is curl up in a ball while chaining him to my waist, and hide under my blanket, and never come out to face the grimness that is this situation.

how am i going to make it through this week?