i feel fatigue and exhaustion creeping up into my system, and frankly, i couldnt tell you why even if i wanted to. its not like im doing my 'going to the gym after work everyday' routine (cant afford to pay the $74 membership fee quite yet -- sad but true) and its not like im going to bed at 4am every night, nor do i wake up at 7am in the morning for work. so i duno WHAT is making me so tired. the only thing i can think of is the fact that i havent eaten meat in a while (for lack of food surrounding me) and i havent been eating right (but of course, i havent lost weight). and therefore endeth my storieth of the saddeth maid...

*yawn*

so i turn 25 in a day ... two, whichever way you look at it and whichever way you count your days. the bottom line is -- this girly is going to turn a quarter of a century old this coming friday and this girly is not very pleased! 25! soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooO oldddddddddddddddddddd@!@@@@!!!!!!!!!!

i am not planning on doing anything this weekend because my friends wont be around to do anything.. well tias going to hawaii, and lisa has another prior commitment, ian i didnt ask because i didnt know if i wanted to do anything, jd asked if i was doing anything but obviously too late to plan - i think ill try for next weekend, then i can invite lisa over. i love her - she is my new best friend =) her and ian .. hehe

i met with the associate VP of the IS dept at depaul - he bought in on my charm and offered me an internship with them. it was quite easy - i didnt even really interview for it nor did i really think it was going to turn into a interview per say when i went over there today. but his way of describing this rotational, 'tour of the world' program has convinced me that this would be a great way for me to get my feet wet in the IT shoppe world. the guy said that i can choose three crafts (they are making a play on words and calling it 'crafts' instead of divisions) and they rotate me within the three crafts in a few months. i think this is a great way to get in on the IT places. we shall see - i think itd be cool to do it this way.

i have been granted an audience with abbott lab reps for monday both for an interview on my behalf for the article and on theirs - perhaps i will captivate their attention and offer me a job. abbott ranked first to be the best place for working mommies for the second consecutive year. i think i like. esp since i am probably going to go the family route and not the 'care for thyself' route.

*yawn*

i want to sleeeeeeeeeeppp .. ni ni

Happy 2nd-year Anniversary to meee (or ussss) ....

Happy 2nd-year Anniversary to usssssss ...

Happy 2nd-year Anniversary tooooo uuuusssssss ...

Happy 2nd-year Anniversary to usss!!!

am decidedly quite ok with turning 25 next week. formerly thought with the advent of turning 1/4 of a century old, nothing fun or exhilarating will ever happen to me, but found out that THE most important things will come AFTER turning 25. in no chronological order: first real career. first (and hopefully one and only) husband. first family. first kid. first house. first owned pets. as in, really owned, not family's. first car.

when you think about it, it can be pretty scary. a lot of different committments coming down my path. the journey so begins. getting that first real salaried paycheck (can you smell the bills .. mmmm). driving in that first scion car ... (oh yeah..) living in that 2000 sq.ft. house.. i think i CANT WAIT, actually!

close friend of mine told me that she would start a bridal folder for me. i told her she can do whatever she pleases because i am not planning on delving into that part of life until i have been formally asked. all the same - it has been fun. when asked for different things, most of which i really havent put much thought into, toying around with these ideas have made me look forward to turning 25 more and more. i suppose one would say that i have found myself an unofficial 'wedding planner'. kinda funny huh.

bear with me for a while. envision this.

the air is a little heavier, with the first falling of the autumn leaves. around here, that would be some time in october. see a garden filled with yellowish & brownish trees, pond in the background (perhaps with little duckies and swans swimming around, before they have to fly south). color scheme.. oo, i duno, perhaps off-white or goldenish, to match the coming of the sunset and the season. (envisioning this taking place around 4pmish). bridesmaids glowing in beautiful red gowns, with tresses of golden hair falling off their exposed necks. groomsmen looking brilliant in their tuxedos. guests seated in white wooden chairs. flowers of different shades of red, yellow, and white everywhere. hmm.... havent thought about the music, shall consult the planner shortly... =)

haha ... take a breather. who knows when this may happen. i ought to have planned this earlier while i was growing up. most women know what they want. im only beginning to figure it out ..

am quite fascinated with the friendliness of my new school. random strangers on the streets, in the elevators, and around the classroom hallways would say 'hello, have a great day' ... others would even strike up conversations with you, and if they happen to have a great day, they would in turn rub off the greatness of day onto you, and you get to carry a big silly grin on face in the aftermath of encounter.

wonderful, i tell ya. always thought that chicagoans were snotty people - it turns out that the suburbanites are the snotty ones. or perhaps, it was just northwestern that was. or rather, evanstonians. whichever. just thought id mention the fascination.

am sick of smelling marker stench. currently trying to exude creativity on big mass of yellow paper for open house, but alas, creativity falling short, and thus, artwork didnt turn out quite as expected. granted, didnt think artwork was going to be all that compelling. but wishing that somehow fairy-god-creativity would have touched me with the wand. oh well.

found out that best friend back home is a big male slut :p predicted he would sleep with half the female population of kl, and he did. almost. debating whether i should congratulate him or smack him on the head for being promiscuous. decided to do neither. found out that i couldnt care less.

tonight, debating which house to sleep in. granted, ive already been shunned out of one, so maybe the choice is pretty obvious. but am craving to see movies and the forbidden lair would be the more logical choice. deciding later...

watched the news tonight and guess what wonderful stories i hear...

1. the poor briton pleading for his head (hello, world -- are you NOT hearing this man's pleas of wanting to KEEP his head attached to his body?!)

2. wonderful bombings that have been happening in iraq, small children and women strapping themselves with home made bombs, because they believe in a cause that most of us sneer about, but think about it -- if someone did that to our countries, we might find other ways to defend it. albeit, strapping self with home made bombs might not be the ONLY way .. but really, THINK about that. (stupid wars, aliens need to come save us already from this hell hole that we have created)

3. and last but not least... we all know how much hatred i have for the almighty CTA (for you non chicagoans, CTA is chicago transit authority and the EL is this thing that i hate very much) well the $1mil that they needed from springfield might not go through, so the authorities are doing an alternative budget, one which includes cutting down on el rides at rush hour. my initial thought -- ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!??!! the el is ALREADY crowded during rush hour, it comes only every nine minutes right now, five on other lines. if you cut rush hour els by HALF the amount that is already running, people are going to be sitting and standing on top of other people! how can they DO this to us?!!! i HATE rush hours on the EL, i HATE the stupid stoppings, i HATE the people in it (must tell story about really rank, stinky homeless woman who must have peed, pooped and vomited on self, and then rolled around gleefully in it), and now THIS?! i need to MOVE. OUTTA here... out of the congested city and into where greens is not only associated with money.

*sigh*

growing up is hard.

thought i was going to abandon my audience now, didntcha! well, i still remember my audience--i just have less time to devote myself to incessant whining and whimsical thoughts. too much crap on my plate to deal with ... newsletters to be created, articles to be written, interviews to be conducted, homework to be completed, projectworks to be led (oigh), and damned people to be networked with. beginning to hate my quarter already -- i dont seem to find time to do all this, and with event planning coming up, i think i will be struggling trying to figure out my resources.

but hey - great experience, sure why not.

wish i had sims2 here though -- then i can release some steam by pretending that i can control my life. speaking of sims2, got the game, but sadly since my computer isnt here yet, i cant play. so i get to wait until i get back to the bfs and even then, gotta wait for HIM to get off it because he plays it more than I do now! (being that its installed on his computer and all)

*yawn* im going through some online class lectures right now -- i hate networking stuff. the distribution and the servers and the clients, and the stupid protocols .. and all the other thing that is connected to it .. its so not me. i am glad that i established that ahead of the game.

finally ...
a chance to take a quick breather. this week has been filled with craziness! having three classes three nights in a row for a full three hours is definitely not my cuppa tea. i am exhausted! i know i shouldnt be because i only work until 130pm but i work out every day after work, so its worse than just working full time because i am exerting energy for the soul purpose of exerting. so going to class after youve just fully sweated like a pig, for three nights, is probably the reason why im tired. on top of that, the el is such a stupid piece of shit, that by the time i get home, i would have all of two hours to catch up with the housemates (and theres TOO MANY of them to catch up with), speak with the boyfriend, the best friend, email the people i interviewed to thank them for networking with me, and reading/doing homework .. by 1230am i am pooped and have to go to bed because i have to wake up at 745am. or actually, ive been sleeping in later and later, and been waking up at 812am.

UGH! TIRED!!!

now i have to figure out which server my association website needs to reside on, talk to the appropriate department heads, run over to departments to drop off the newsletter that i masterly carved, and then on top of that, have to figure out who else i was supposed to talk to for my article. i hope marian doesnt ask me to serve the WITI board any time soon because i dont have time for that now.

im going home tonight! yay!

i wonder if my parents thought about the possibilities of losing me to another country when they sent me off to come here to study? i wonder if i myself knew that i was going to come to this country to study, and not only to fall in love with the amenities here but to also fall in love, period? i wonder if they had forecasted this, that they would never had let me leave and my life would be something completely and utterly different than it is now?

no sense in wondering really. if i had the ability to jump into my parallel-universes then i would and for fun, observe what i could have, might have been. but the fact of the matter is that i cant. and i love being where i am now. some people say that i should have been in other places (and yes, some say better, and others say worse), but i must say that i am content. and i am attached. i am sorry if i didnt turn out the way that other people 'expect' me to turn out to be. i am sorry if i somehow 'failed' the norms or the mouldings of a certain society, but this is my choice and this is where i want to be.

i have made some kind of inner peace with myself. now i ask others to be peaceful with me. this includes all of you reading this...

i wonder if my parents thought about the possibilities of losing me to another country when they sent me off to come here to study? i wonder if i myself knew that i was going to come to this country to study, and not only to fall in love with the amenities here but to also fall in love, period? i wonder if they had forecasted this, that they would never had let me leave and my life would be something completely and utterly different than it is now?

no sense in wondering really. if i had the ability to jump into my parallel-universes then i would and for fun, observe what i could have, might have been. but the fact of the matter is that i cant. and i love being where i am now. some people say that i should have been in other places (and yes, some say better, and others say worse), but i must say that i am content. and i am attached. i am sorry if i didnt turn out the way that other people 'expect' me to turn out to be. i am sorry if i somehow 'failed' the norms or the mouldings of a certain society, but this is my choice and this is where i want to be.

i have made some kind of inner peace with myself. now i ask others to be peaceful with me. this includes all of you reading this...

so i am officially moved into my new place .. its weird to be living in a new space -- there is nothing familiar, albeit i am enjoying my new furniture .. but everything just seems so wrong .. the placement of things are wrong, the environment is wrong, the location is wrong .. the person most important to me is not here, so THATS definitely all wrong ... this sux .. i dont have a TV to randomly turn on at will either (which is going to be a BIIIIGG adjustment -- those who know me, know that i love leaving the tv on because i like that background noise; yes, i am wasting electricity, but thats my quarkiness so deal!) thats ok though because i will be getting my new computer with tv-interface capability and then call comcast to see if they can give me an extra splitter ... THEN i will be watching tv non stop! woot!

alrite -- i still need some things for my new place. i gotta bring my spices over so we can have a malaysian food cookout. i also have to bring some books over for references, and to read (i started the lost world today - so far so great!) i need to figure what to do with my walls, so far i dont have anything that interesting on but that will soon change, obviously only when i get more dough (im broke now) sob sob.

anyhoo, melissa, marcie, and i are going to take hip hop classes .. its going to be so fucking cool!

a very good weekend to my fellow faithful-blog-readers. of late, nothing of interest has happened to me. in fact, i find myself tire of the tirades of non-working systems, and without meaning to, the tyranny of it all has seeped deep into my own inner-workings, leaving me feeling nothing but fatigue and exhaustion. i dont know what one thing i can blame for this tiresome lethargy, and i would love to blame it all on schooling, but perhaps there are deeper issues at work here.

or perhaps, i am just exaggerating and dramatizing things so that i can talk about it here, and complain about things that dont exist. i think i just need my beauty sleep and i should be fine in a year or two.

had an interesting discussion about the 'superpower's' "democratic" system (it really should be the republic-system.. there is no such thing as democracy in this world, so ive observed--and thats another thing; who DECIDED that democracy/republic etc.etc. was going to BE the way they are now?), which prompted my friend and i, a passionate (and quite emotional) coworker, a 2nd year law student, and an 80 year old man to debate over an unresolved debate. and i shake my head at this .. *tsk*tsk* shame on you americans ... for choosing THESE TWO IDIOTS to represent your so called 'super' country.

needless to say, that debate was quite interesting, and the law student brought in very good nonbiased facts to the table. i should have done law -- and would have hated (and be quite afraid of) how unworkable the system is. i suppose this profession that i have chosen is no worse than that of someone trying to uphold a system that betrays you in the worst possible circumstance.

*zips up mouth*

ooooo! ooo ooo ooo!!

my daughter's name would be LILY ISIS
my son's name would be (tentatively) AZRIEL IDRIS

i think i should change my name to busy-hectic-drama queen. school recommenced today, the open house for my center went ok, but had the potential for disaster (good thing i can do disaster recovery well AND can handle it ... so yay me!) then i have to write all these stupid articles and i have to interview a few more cios/ceos and then i HAVE my own homework to do (arrghh!!) .... my first class was great though -- i can tell that database programming will be on my mind a lot in these coming months ...

so, yeah ... busy-hectic-drama queen.

altho recently there has been nothing out of the ordinary to quite create a drama. that, and i think there is no incentives to becoming one, simply because i wont have the energy to recollect myself afterward .. =)

life is .. well, generally good. i named my kids finally.. i think. some kinda combination of izabella, anya, perhaps natalia .. i loooove russian names.

so i just found out how the payroll works for being a graduate assistant for the adult student center. they have 15,000 for me this entire year. and they split that money over the course of 20 pay periods. which means each pay period, i get paid $750 (i wonder if that money gets taxed on) which means that if broken down to per hourly wage (which is NOT how its calculated apparently, but for the sakes of argument) i get $18.75/hr. which i suppose is not too shabby but i was expecting a whole lot more. and i also found out that im not supposed to clock into the clocking system they have set up for employees because its being done differently. and i also found out that the first pay period for me would be 9/17. but i started work 8/23 ....

*scratches head*

oh well, whatever. i guess i get that 15,000. i hope they dont tax it. thatd be nice, fat 750$ paycheck every two weeks. but i coulda made so much more!!! *cryyyyyyy*

so i cried for no reason today.

well thats not true. theres always a reason (or multiple reasons) to why one cries. but this time, there was none that was responsible for it starting. i just started bawling for two straight minutes - and then, nothing..

its funny, the mechanisms of crying. you could be fine one minute, and the next, a huge deluge of overwhelming stress or feelings will come crashing down, drowning you without warning. thats how i felt when i cried today. it was this, one huge slapping "whoosh", and i felt helpless against it.

what is wrong with me?

*bored*
trying to figure out what to do right now (after a series of movie watching, simulatenously testing out the brand new surround sound speakers that mike bought yesterday) i must say, for a system that isnt over 2k+ it sounds pretty fucking good!

but aside from that - really tired and lazy and .. well, bored.. yesterday was a nightmare--trying to put together pieces of ikea furniture when the pieces dont match up and the holes purposefully (and incompetently), missing .. definitely makes assembling tougher than it seems.. especially when a power drill is missing from the picture. stupid swedes. they shoulda thought about making the damned beds more assembly-friendly.

maybe i should make some steak for myself today. or something. im getting antzy ...

you know what i realized today ...

my northwestern friends are a bunch of schmucks. not one of them (besides a select few) are worth knowing. they are a bunch of whiney, unhelpful lot with a whole lot of selfishness and retardedness that comes with being a northwestern graduate. i am GLAD that i dont have to deal with them and that almost all of them have gone on to a different state, never to be seen again! good riddance to bad fucking rubbish. i must say that i like my new friends a whole lot more.

and i am sick of self-centered friends with 'unhelpful' as their middle names. same as ones with 'whiney' as their middle names.

i had a pretty bad day today .. to start things off, a stupid keane senior recruiter told me to not talk to another keane employee because it seemed like i was 'skirting around the system' -- and i dont know why he thought that because the other keane person TOLD me specifically that he could talk to me when he gets back from vacation (which he must have forgotten about because he went to that recruiter dude and asked if id spoken to him yet) ... so to cut story short -- i dont quite care for that behavior and telling me that i did something when i wasnt .. so screw KEANE INC. -- you can shove it up your arse, because i dont wanna work for a place with an environment like that! FUCK YOU KEANE!!!

then the mattress place called me and asked me if i was home already (it was exactly 11am and i was rushing out of the apartment to get to the new house) and so i said i will be there in 20 minutes .. only to be let down by the STUPID RED LINE (i swear -- i have had ENOUGH of the fucking retarded CTA line) .. for fun today, they decided to stall at the jarvis stop for ten minutes for no reason at all, and when it got to loyola, it decided to go express all the way to wilson, so id missed the argyle stop .. hence i had to get off to ensure not backtracking.

so it was 1115am now and the mattress people were on their way .. what to do, what to doo..

called the store up and asked if they could help out and get in touch with the driver.. only to get a "its not our problem, we cant help you ... goodday"

WTF!! WHYYYY are you working in sales if you are IMPASSIONATE! and UNHELPFUL .. (so this was the SECOND unhelpful person of the day....)

ok thats fine .. another train swung by, and i was transported to argyle in a short amount of time. the mattress arrived - that god for melissa (so the mattress was signed for, and yay, i have a new mattress)

hung out for a few hours, chit-chatted with lisa and jeff when he got home ..and this really disgusting ikea delivery man arrived on my doorstep. he came in all gross and sweaty, asking to use the bathroom. i said ok; he went in and stayed in for a good 15-20 minutes. he came out, with a scrap of toilet paper attached to the bottom of his shoes (which then fell off his shoe.. and chilled on the floor in the middle of the aisleway) so i went to pick it up -- only to see brownish-blackish marks on the ends of the toilet paper (eww, what the heck was that!) and quickly disposed of it. the bathroom reeked of poop smell, and the trash can had these brownish/blackish thing IN it (OMG, now i think im going to FAINT!) -- quickly got a hold of jeff and asked him to double check what id just seen .. and he thought the same thing too -- we both think that the dude either POOPED INTO the trash can; OR he somehow managed to poop into his pants before he ever got to our place, and really had to get rid of it, and hence disposed of whatever it was in his pants INTO our trash can.

BARF!

that was SO gross -- i was seriously put off after that..

what a terribly disturbing day. the only good thing today was going home to my baby and being hugged with the mightiest of love =)

oh yeah. meant to comment that anwar ibrahim got released from incarceration. end of political oppression?

http://www.iht.com/articles/537173.html

trying to come up with names for my future babies and am having problems naming the girlies. i thought it would be easy to name girls, but with so many crappy and common names out there, and the more flowery-creative ones sound too exaggerated .. i am left with nothing right now. the boy's have been the same for a while now... aidan iskandar .. but i dont know if i want to keep that middle name.. its a very elegant, valorous malay name for a man but it might be too strong for a little baby.. i kinda like the name atiqah for the girl, maybe a middle name .. that could be the middle name.. so now need a first name .. hows about .. urm - lydia?
lydia atiqah .. atiqah alia? oh well .. ill probably never have babies anyways, coz ill prolly never get hitched .. *sigh* will die of old age unloved and unwanted .. how typical and sad.

ikea was only able to deliver between 115 and 415pm. so i have mattress guy coming between 11 and 3pm and i have ikea coming between 1 and 4. how unawesome. what the heck am i going to do there, with nothing to do, no computer to use (I should pack mine and bring it) and nobody to talk to?! well, maybe there may be some roomie catching up to do .. that could be fun .. since i havent met all of them yet. apparently there is a preppie asian dancer girl in my house .. i hope she isnt a sorority typa girl - that would drive me INSANE.

i havent quite decided whom i would vote for if i had the means to do it for this country. i mean, i guess i cant hate bush if hes doing great things for the schoolchildren - yet i hate everything else that hes done. i saw him speak on the podium tonight - he did ok i spose, for someone who has had problems public speaking in the past. too bad i didnt see kerry speak - then i coulda made a decision on whom to vote for. not that it matters. they will collect my tax money but wont let me vote. i love this country .. *sniggers*