... aaand as soon as i am ecstatic and filled with joy, i am now back to ground zero where i am filled with much self doubt and the pessimism and negativities are enshrouding of whats left of yesterdays ray of sunshine. this always happens -- i dont know why but faced with the uncertainties and faced with the non-concreteness of the job market and the non-black-&-white-ness of things, i fear that i might have led myself to think that things will be ok.

what if things really arent ok?