hehe, i was wondering about the 'i am officially in love' post .. because i know i dont need to WRITE about such things (since we ALL know that already!) .. but yeah, thanks, mister posturing self delustional something -- i KNOW you are in love with koh phangan, or watever the heck its called :p make sure if you do what it is that you told me you wanted to do, that you will use at least ten precautionary things to ensure sterility!!

in any case, the table tennis CEO dude is VERY intimidating! he is one of those no nonsense, no bullshit, no small talk kinda person and it was very tough trying to strike a conversation with him. it makes me feel very, very junior and my accomplishments seemed very minute compared to this young man who owns six different successful companies. thats just fucking ridiculous -- NOBODY should be THAT successful! oh well, i hope i didnt sound too much like a flustered rabbit trapped in a hole. that wouldnt be too impressive.

my furniture arrives at the new house this friday - so i guess i am looking to move some time this weekend or beginning of next week. SO not looking forward to that. i HATE moving so much - it makes no sense, ESPECIALLY since mike wont be GOING anywhere. bleh. moving SUX!

but i AM looking forward to going to yoga with jeff and taking dance classes with any one of the girls in the house. someone suggested african diaspora, but since it is an intense hour and a half dance workout, i am going to have to try a move mellow, beginners level hip hop. hopefully, it wont break my bones.

alrite, gotta go fix my portfolio. my mentor said the personal shouldnt mix with the professional. CRY! more work for me!!!

i'm officially in love .. with koh phangan

my favorite is srikantang beach .. or is it leela beach .. whatever .. 10 min walk to haad rin town. haad rin sunrise is really nice, but too many sexy, half nekkid tanned beautiful people. makes me wanna find a little corner of my own so i wont offend anyone with my body.

anyway my recommendation is Coco Hut or Srikantang .. cocohut is really nice, too bad they dont take reservations during full moon parties. or was it you have to reserve 7 days. something obscene like that.

thary and kevin are getting married in -4.00 hours today. we are going to st edna's catholic church in arlington heights to see them tie this holy knot and i cant wait to see what those two look like now. bich and demarcus will both be there and this should be quite an interesting wedding. the receptions not till later but from the sounds of the restaurant, i sure cant wait to eat dinner!

i have decided that i am pretty good at networking. all of my mentors and referrals have done very well to get back to me and they all are very protective and have all put me under their wings. some more than others obviously, but needless to say, they are all very helpful. it must be in the 'mentor' nature, i think once i get done with school and have a good job, i will become a mentor too. i think it would be fun and i cant wait to impart my knowledge onto some of the more younger generation. that prolly should include my own siblings but they are still too young to be worried about jobs right now. the brother will need to be coached in the arts of studying still and the sister so far has nothing to ask me about that. =) both smarty panties.

i have completed my online portfolio -- quite rushed and the contents havent been thought about thoroughly but at least its up there. check it out at fasha.akirasoft.

alrite i gotta brush up on my table tennis skills. one of the people im meeting with is an avid extreme table tennis sportsman, and he is a very prestigious businessman in the chicago area. i am very intimidated ....

... aaand as soon as i am ecstatic and filled with joy, i am now back to ground zero where i am filled with much self doubt and the pessimism and negativities are enshrouding of whats left of yesterdays ray of sunshine. this always happens -- i dont know why but faced with the uncertainties and faced with the non-concreteness of the job market and the non-black-&-white-ness of things, i fear that i might have led myself to think that things will be ok.

what if things really arent ok?

OMFG! NO FUCKING WAY!

my boss at the city called me up today and said that he could offer me a position that can pay me 55k to 65k .. but it would require me to start before i graduate and one of the two positions available are:

1. with business objects
2. case management with enterprise systems

apparently, he took what i told him about what i want to do with life after graduation, and took what i told him about how much i want to make, and went to the deputies and cios and made a huge recommendation for me, and it seemed that everybody there loved me and thought i would be a perfect choice. apparently .. and i guess... thats quite flattering...

SIXTY-FIVE THOUSAND DOLLARS!! HOLY SHIT! i wasnt even thinking out of the 50k range and this is way beyond what i thought i could get .. its fucking amazing ...

dont know what to do about it though. this isnt simply an "ok ill do it"
i have my entire life hanging on this thread. if i go one way, my life will turn out like this, and if i go another way, my life will turn out like that.

now, the question is, do i want this or do i want that.

i need to write down my original plan, and prioritize them, and come up with scenarios and reprioritize.

but just wanted to drop in and give the good news:

I AM WORTH SOOO MUCH MONEY!!!

mike is making a case to get me to buy a house with him. some of the properties we looked at:

1. House #1
2. House #2


3. House #3

one of my mentors told me to create a portfolio of my project works to give my resume more credibility. now, i KNEW that, but have never really gotten around to actually coming up with one. the notion of having to come up with design layouts and color schemes, not to mention figuring out what goes in the certain places on the site doesnt appeal to me. why should i spend my sunday afternoons figuring out what goes on this nonexistant website when i can spend them doing nothing at all? but then, given the fact that i am looking for a job in a very diligent manner, i ought to take the time and be a web designer for a day or two.

the problem is, i HATE webdesigning. while i envy people who have really cool sites, which they can showcase on their resumes and bring with them to interviews, i just couldnt care less about it. there has to be another way ...

was supposed to go to the annual chicago air and water show today but didnt get around to doing so because of numerous reasons, one of which being we both got lazy and didnt wake up till 1030am. and if you know anything about the chicago air and water show, you will agree that 1030 is too late of a time to be waking up to trek across the millions of people on north avenue beach. oh well - its not like i care about jet fighters and stealth bombers. those things are a disgrace to the environment.

things to do for the next year:

1. make my damn portfolio
2. meet with as many top level people
3. write interesting and thoughtful article on these people that i meet and publish it at certain avenues
4. be a great program coordinator/grad assistant in the new and upcoming job
5. figure out what to do about the other tech support position that has also been given to me
6. join WITI through being a board coordinator

someone says that when it rain, it pours. id like to draw the analogy with my luck with job searches, specifically on campus ones. while a few months ago i was pissing myself, worried about not being able to find a good job on campus after i get done with my internship, here i find myself with two jobs and cant even find the time to do them. gotta love the pouring rain

just got done reading syrup by maxx barry a few days ago -- same author as jennifer government, and i just have to be a good citizen and preach upon y'all to read those books written by this talented young author. his writing is amazing and the storylines are unbelievably engrossing. try it out, you wont be sorry.

been extremely busy. just got done with my internship yesterday, so here i go:

woooooo-bloody-hoooooooooo!!!

thank god for that. admittedly, will miss some of the friends that i have made over there and will have to strive hard to keep in touch with them so as not to burn the bridge. especially with darling christopher -- he is the important one since he holds the key to that signature to the project manager position that he will be giving me. cant believe that they will make me a project manager - i wonder how much they will pay me .. suppose i wont find out until february when i say yay (dont ever wanna say nay anymore)

have somehow gotten myself tangled in a web of top level executives and am quite weary at the thought of having to behave at the lunch table. good side of this -- i get free luncheons every other day and all with men (so far, ive only met with two top women, kinda fucking sad) cant complain .. my charm only works on men anyways.

going on vacation some time .. oh right, for my 2nd anniversary. cant wait, i have been DYING to get outta here. adios suckersss .. !!

mike and i will be celebrating our 2nd year anniversary at this place:

http://www.southhavenmi.com/index.shtml

been watching the olympics, specifically the women's gymnastics today and wishing that i had their flexibilities and their bodies. but alas, wishing for it will never make it come true. better accept that i am but a very fat ugly duckling who is half-assedly loved. *shrug*

spoke to the CIO again today and he said that the position that will most likely be created for me come february would either be a project manager or a technical project manager, depending on if i wanted to become more involved in the technical aspect of things or not. i havent decided what i really want to do upon graduation yet ie. if i should start off doing low level technical stuff or just hop into the high level technical stuff. what i DO want, is to start off at $50k. i am going to try and negotiate that salary. did you know that only 7% of women negotiate their salaries, versus 67% men? that is just retarded. there is no reason why women shouldnt be negotiating their salaries like the men do. i am sick of this entire world; the reason why its going to shit is because men is ruling it like war lords.

i have been forewarned against working with the company that bob works for (bob was the guy i had lunch with two mondays ago). according to an ex-employee, that company's president lies a lot to his employees while pretending to tell the truth. from the sounds of things, the company not only have terrible management, they also deliver crappy results. so i continue searching. there is a limit to all of this and i dont know if i want to know where the limit lies.

feeling very lowly and unloved today. perhaps because ive been overexposed to highly beautiful people lately. there was an absolutely gorgeous girl on the el today that i couldnt stop watching for the life of me. i wish i had half of her face and her body. i spend all my life wishing that i looked differently and then spend the other half of my life hating myself. what a lovely healthy life i lead.

where-o-where is that pot of love-thyself?

flipping through my stacks and stacks of journals, i have to two conclusions:

1. i am obsessed with money
2. i am obsessed with planning around EVERYTHING! and not planning TO DO, but planning TO DREAM ABOUT HOW IT MIGHT GET DONE

sad huh. in this new journal of mine alone, i have been scribbling numbers down in the margins to anything: how much that paycheck is going to last me, who i need to pay back, which bills i need to settle first, what that new cute top costs, with that watch perhaps, and how much that might be .. and then i will pretend how much i could be making some time soon and come up with random costs to random things i plan to buy at random points in my life ... hehe FUN!

OOOO!!
ralph fiennes is to play lord voldermort in the goblet of fire, due to come out november 2005! w00t! that one is going to be so fucking brilliant i am going to have to reread that book again ..

gawd i am so bloody tired .. thats actually an understatement for me - the right word to describe my state of being currently is fatigued to death and exhausted beyond belief. i duno how or what i did to make that happen (except the numerous exercises that ive been doing) but i think part of it is all the excitement that has been tailing me for the past month or two.

recent news:

• boss asked me if i wanted to go sailing with me .. and i had to politely decline because of multiple reasons, the most obvious being the fact that i was not available the time he wanted me to come with (but it was the nicest gesture thus far and i was taken aback.. hes prolly trying to bribe me to stay .. hehe)
• tuition waiver will be something to contend with in the next few weeks. if it isnt uni policy, yours truly might get a huge check every quarter for one year, for being a graduate assistant and simply brilliant, naturally. will be thinking of loved ones and how to treat them
• got myself more contacts and one of them emailed me promptly after being approached earlier on today. am very excited at prospects, and will need to not jump out of skin every time someone top emails me
• in the next week (or two) will need to keep eyes and ears peeled for results of my brilliant luncheon with bob. if everything goes well, they will be charmed by my story and bring me on board as a consultant. think of all the money i could possibly make
• just realized that no matter what, i will have a job by february because i will have to decide by then (thats what im telling everybody) due to the city backup
• out of natural love for pets, am daydreaming about buying puppies and kitties and walking them with a leash .. aww

ok, cant take it anymore, dead tired.
*zonks out*

btw, if you havent seen "the butterfly effect" yet, you HAVE to. that movie, is fucking AWESOME!

hola!

taking the day off work today because i feel "sick". have other things to do at home aka have to ponder next strategic move as to how am going to approach more top level people. have memo in version 2 -- all set to go! got me a few more top peeps to approach and since its now august again, can use ten more tokens to bug ten more people/mentors.

ellen barry is the coolest chick in IT ever! shes the CIO for the metropolitan pier and exposition authority (MPEA) and deals with the coolest new technologies you can possibly think of. she is working with internet2 in mccormick place trying to get the gaming community to blast off with tournaments, getting the medical community to do demos to their potential clients using radiological scans and watever else medicinal .. and i totally envy her! its good to have her on my side tho -- shes a really nice person and really passionate about what she is doing. lucky lucky. maybe she can hook me up with something or someone, and possibly lead me on to other good and wonderful things.

spoke to a few peeps in the city. some think that bobs company chows ass, others think theyre mediocre, and some thought they did a good job. what do i do if i was given an offer? do i accept it knowing that they are not perfect and might even have some bad reputation, or do i go with it because regardless of their bad reputation, the check is cut and they still make money? ethics versus paycheck .... tough call *smug grin*

havent spoken to parents and siblings for a while. wondering if they are surviving. had a series of dream about them meeting mike for the first time -- some turned out really well, but the one last night went awfully bad. apparently mike lost his legs and was in a really interesting looking wheel chair that was low to the ground, and was mildly rude when parents came to greet him (or was it the other way round, cant remember) either way, this will happen in june of next year, and i honestly am quite excited ... heheh ..

finally weather turnaround. from our wonderful hot and humid 92 to rainy and humid 68. cant complain, letting the AC go for today and am opening windows to let fresh air in. must get rid of stupid smoke smell.

gym calls me.

the meeting with Bob was really great. he was trying to get me to come and work at his company because he thinks i will be a great fit there. it was kinda funny to see someone trying to sell me a job. if he only knew how i busted my ass looking for something, it would have been easy work for him. no need to sell, no need to convince. i am already interested. as of now. but hey, if i keep at it like this, i will get a few more, who knows. *crosses fingers*