i think i am obsessed with my boyfriend's physical appearance. i have pictures of him taped to the insides of my diary and any physical picture i get of him, i frame, or i paste it in my diary or stick it in the insides of my wallet flap. i dont really know where the obsession orignated from or how it came to be, but i just came to the conclusion just now, as i stared boringly into the vastness of my cluttered cubicle.
i am not even sure if it's so much him or the fact that i still havent gotten over (and may never get over) the fact that he is such a beautiful specimen and that he is this hunk of a white male in his prime. the thing that really gets me is his smell: the tiniest whiff of it is enough to make my stomach turn into expert gymnasts. i know that i have always relied of smell as key to my attraction to men, but there is something about his smell that reminds of me of the comforting familiarity of the past,present, and future. its funny, how from the first moment i met him, that it has felt new and yet old at the same time. even now, up to this moment, months before we celebrate our second year anniversary, it still feels new, and yet ever so ancient, as if we have been together for so long that it feels very comforting and very familiar.
but back to my obsession. how do i begin. i think part of the reasoning of my obsession could be explained by how intrigued i am with his past life, how he went through all these girlfriends and what he was like back in the days where he was still searching for himself (so to speak) and encountered many a challenges (and came face to face with demons that he created) and yet, the thing that i am still trying to piece together is that his face doesnt reflect the stories that have been told. his face still remains innocent and beautiful, untarnished, and when you see him sleep, you can almost see a pseudo angel lying in bed, without a care for the world or how it began and will end.
there is something about the boyishness of his features, coupled with that scent, that drives me quite literally off my chair (even as we speak now, i find it hard to calm the knots in my stomach) if i were allowed, i would sit and stare at his face all day and smell him up every opportunity i get.
and hence the obsession. *swoons*
i am not even sure if it's so much him or the fact that i still havent gotten over (and may never get over) the fact that he is such a beautiful specimen and that he is this hunk of a white male in his prime. the thing that really gets me is his smell: the tiniest whiff of it is enough to make my stomach turn into expert gymnasts. i know that i have always relied of smell as key to my attraction to men, but there is something about his smell that reminds of me of the comforting familiarity of the past,present, and future. its funny, how from the first moment i met him, that it has felt new and yet old at the same time. even now, up to this moment, months before we celebrate our second year anniversary, it still feels new, and yet ever so ancient, as if we have been together for so long that it feels very comforting and very familiar.
but back to my obsession. how do i begin. i think part of the reasoning of my obsession could be explained by how intrigued i am with his past life, how he went through all these girlfriends and what he was like back in the days where he was still searching for himself (so to speak) and encountered many a challenges (and came face to face with demons that he created) and yet, the thing that i am still trying to piece together is that his face doesnt reflect the stories that have been told. his face still remains innocent and beautiful, untarnished, and when you see him sleep, you can almost see a pseudo angel lying in bed, without a care for the world or how it began and will end.
there is something about the boyishness of his features, coupled with that scent, that drives me quite literally off my chair (even as we speak now, i find it hard to calm the knots in my stomach) if i were allowed, i would sit and stare at his face all day and smell him up every opportunity i get.
and hence the obsession. *swoons*
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home