*bleh*

i don't get it. i go to the gym almost every day, i work out, i lift weights, and i am still NOT losing weight, in fact i swear i think i'm GAINING damn weight! it's so fucking annoying how that works, it makes me want to quit and be a vegetable and put on weight as much as it can go because there is no point in doing it anyways, coz i don't seem to lose any freaking thing.

this happened last time too, like, before sam and i broke up. junior year i went to the gym almost every day too, and i didn't lose weight. i'm telling you - the only time i really ever lost weight drastically was that summer onwards till mid senior year, during that whole "spanish inquisition" period. maybe i need to be super duper depressed, but i don't think it would work the same thing time, if it happens. i think it needs to go from super duper blissfully happy to like, random shock that will shake my world, drown in horrible, dank depression. certain elements are missing this time - but perhaps it can still produce the same results... hmmm....

but anyway, maybe the damned lifting weights are making me put on weight .. but i like lifting weights, it feels like i'm actually doing something to the muscles, like, my arms are still freaking sore from last friday when i did random shit to it. oh well, maybe i just gotta starve myself to death.