this always happens to me - i was promised an event or an outing and it never happens. and almost always, the promised event or outing is planned on either friday or saturday nite, so by the time the event or outing gets cancelled, i end up having nothing else to do, and therefore i get stuck sitting at home doing what, you ask me? homework ... work ... and some other pathetic thing that is not even worth mentioning here.

i give up.

i give up making plans or trying to make plans. because:

a. i don't have anybody to do it with, at least nobody reliable
b. my plans don't seem to fit other people's idea of "fun"
c. even if i MADE plans, and people seem to WANT to do something with me, they will cancel on me last minute anyway, for the stupidest of reasons

so what's the point. i will stop relying on other people for event planning. i hate being so isolated and secluded. i don't even talk to anybody anymore. it feels like i have somehow swirled down some lonesome vortex of abandonment and isolation. against my will, and without my control.

the more i think about it, the less i want to live my days. life makes sense (OR doesn't make sense, depending on how you view it) when you look backwards. too bad you are living forwards.