havent done much thought-reflection. perhaps its because i am at peace with myself and my choices, and all i have to do is live them until the next phase in life sets stage. the things that i have come to realize is the importance of understanding that i have options and i have the freedom of choice. being that i will no longer be bound by certain groups of people nor will i be surrounded by an environment that is caustic and filled with reprimands of a sort, i need to start building my own ways of doing things such that i will be prepared come time to impart certain widsom.

not that i plan on doing that anyway because i believe in molding the natural and non-coerced ways. but at the same it feels good to have a backup plan in case something bad happens.

in many ways i feel like a child, still wondering and yearning for the one key knowledge that will set me free from all these bindings and i wish i was strong and bold enough to take a step out of the coccoon that has been tightly wrapped around me since birth. at the same time, being brainwashed in so many different ways and degrees has made me this person who is awanting freedom yet awaiting the punishment for WANTING that freedom. it is blasphemous, i know. no one thing or person should make me feel this way, and i am not really pointing fingers at particular sects or societies, and yet.. you cant help but wonder, how would life have been for me had i been raised in different ways under different school of thoughts, and would i have been able to embrace that belief.

difficult choices to make at this brink of adulthood, when one would assume that everything should have been figured out by now. life certainly does start creeping up on you and the moment you realize that you aren't getting younger, you will start to feel the pressure. is it enough to just live life and be true to yourself and good to others, or does life entail other constrictions and commandments that need to be fulfilled before life expires here on earth?